Damn You, Pilgrims

To be honest, I was a pretty good boy this Thanksgiving. I saved up my points for dinner, although I certainly went well over my 35 allotted when the time came. But I only had seconds of a few choice items (including my girlfriend's record-breakingly good turkey), and didn't go crazy on any of them. I tasted a few different desserts, but once again kept the portion sizes very small.

It was actually today that was worse. I spent all day on set for a short film. I've blocked out most of my intake for the day, but I think there were chocolate cupcakes involved, and I'm fairly certain that some pizza made an appearance. I didn't gorge myself all day or anything, but I definitely partook of some unhealthy items.

We'll see what the scale has in store for me tomorrow, but yesterday I hit the 9-pound mark! That's half of 18 pounds! Which is an arbitrary number, but still very impressive-sounding!

Tomorrow I'm going to a hockey game with my brother, which should be good exercise. For the hockey players, not for me.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 35 weight: 213.4 lbs
Total loss: 9.0 lbs

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 36 weight: 213.6 lbs
Total loss: 8.8 lbs

I Saw a Koala Today!

Oh wait - that's not me, that would be my fellow blogger, Nikki Klecha, who is in Australia doing and seeing all kinds of interesting things. SHOUT OUT! Check out her awesome blog: http://gratefulsparrow.blogspot.com/

It's probably best. If I'd seen a koala, I likely would have eaten it.

Actually, have been doing well in my efforts to undo the nasty effects of game night. Almost back down to my low.

Had beef vegetable soup for lunch yesterday (which looked like "beer vegetable soup" on the specials board), and a salad for dinner. Snacked only minimally on Baked Lays and pretzels during poker. Really only after I got knocked out and had the stress noshies.

Stress noshies. I just coined that. Dig it.

I was just thinking that I'm really in a bad way when it comes to trying to lose weight. Some people have problems with portion control, others have a sweet tooth, etc. I have realized that all of the following apply to me:

1) I have problems with portion control
2) I have a sweet tooth
3) I hate vegetables
4) I hate to exercise
5) I love bread
6) I love meat and cheese
7) I like to snack in between meals
8) I spend a lot of time in a sedentary state at a computer
9) I have crappy metabolism
10) I have voices that are always telling me to eat

That's a lot to overcome.

But overcome it I will.

Dammit.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 33 weight: 214.4 lbs
Total loss: 8.0 lbs

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 34 weight: 214.0 lbs
Total loss: 8.4 lbs

Unsalted Almonds Can Eat Me

Accidentally picked up a tin of unsalted almonds on my last trip to the grocery store. Night and day, let me tell you. Salted almonds? A delicious treat. Unsalted almonds? Yes, I would like some petrified birch bark with traces of sand, that'd be great. Sheesh. Who invented this shit?

Anyway, didn't weigh myself today, so who knows. Ate better than this weekend, that's for sure, but couldn't make myself go to the gym. No good. Have to stop making excuses.

Tomorrow is poker night though. That's a good excuse.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 32 weight: More than a breadbox
Total loss: Less than a breadbox

Drinkin' It Up on Gumball Pass

Last night was game night. We turned Candyland into a drinking game. Word.

I knew I needed to save up points, so I was pretty good all day up until people started arriving, but once the pasta salads and turkey meatballs and chicken tacos and chocolate chip cookies started parading into my apartment, it was Bad News Bears.

I didn't drink much, but I think that the little I did drink seriously impaired my judgment with regard to incoming comestibles. There certainly seemed to be a steady stream of food headed down my esophagus, and I didn't seem to much notice or care. And now there is leftover badness in my fridge. Thank goodness not every night is game night.

So I put a little bit back on this weekend, but that's okay - I just need to shake it off and go back to work. Tomorrow - banana for breakfast, salad for lunch, hour at the gym, light dinner. Let's do it.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 31 weight: 215.2 lbs
Total loss: 7.2 lbs

I Know, I Know, I Know

Yes, I know what you're thinking. Nice work on the blog, Kreisman. Way to keep up with it every day like you said you would. I guess this is where you lose motivation and start piling the pounds back on, eh? Can't even stick to a simple blog...

Well look here - I don't appreciate your attitude. You don't know me. Okay, yes - I've slacked a bit on the blog in the past few days. But I've been a tad busy, if you must know, and besides, I've been staying completely on task in the weight loss department.

In fact, your utter lack of faith in me is a bit disheartening, if I'm being honest. How are we ever going to further our blogger-follower relationship if you can't give me a little credit? I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little too defensive. I might have the same thoughts running through my head if I were you.

Truce?

Anyway, I went for a 2-hour, fast-paced walk last night. It was inspired more by a stressful day than the desire to burn off some calories, but ah well. Result was the same. I was a sweaty mess by the time I walked back through the door, and that's what counts.

Did I stop for a bite of frozen yogurt halfway through my walk? YES I DID. But come on. Are you telling me I didn't earn at least a little treat? Jesus - just when I felt like we were moving past all this...

I can feel my stomach shrinking, that's for sure. I am now regularly leaving food on my plate, with no regard for the starving children in Africa. I am fixing myself smaller portions of things, snacking on veggies (sometimes), and eating salads routinely. And many of the times that I usually would not be able to resist nibbling on something naughty, I am now somehow finding the strength to look the offending party in the eye and say, "Not today, carbohydrates. Find yourself another sucker."

Mmm. Sucker.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 30 weight: 213.8 lbs
Total loss: 8.6 lbs

Short Blog

I am TIRED. This is going to be a short blog.

I had some M&Ms tonight. I feel bad about it.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 27 weight: 214.8 lbs
Total loss: 7.6 lbs

Hunter Freberg, Director of Stan Freberg

I saw a fascinating comedic legend and his obnoxious wife at the Castle last night. Stan Freberg, multiple emmy- and grammy-award winner, inductee into the Radio Hall of Fame, famed voice artist, etc., told a pretty inspiring story about how he got discovered way back when. He hopped on a bus at 19 years old, got off in Hollywood, walked into a random talent agency office, inquired about representation, did a few voices, and was cast doing voice-over work in a variety of projects by some top Hollywood producers within 24 hours. I may have to try that bus thing.

In response to my mother’s concerned comments, I am, in fact, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables. I’ve been eating a salad just about every other day, and have been frequently snacking on raw broccoli and carrots. SO THERE.

Jamey and I worked on our sitcom pilot for a couple of hours on Sunday. It’s going to be slow-going, I think, as is often the case when you get together two people with very particular ideas about what will bring the funny, but it’s going to be a very rewarding process in the end, I’m sure. If anyone knows Jason Alexander, please have him give me a call. We have a part for him.

Coming up on the end of Month 1 of this weight loss deal-i-o. I really want to hit the 10-pound mark by then, but I’m not going to beat myself up if I fall short. I did just get back from a freakin’ cruise, after all.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 25 weight: 216.3 lbs
Total loss: 6.1 lbs

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 26 weight: 215.4 lbs
Total loss: 7.0 lbs

Shop 'Til I Drop

I've been better lately about what I buy when I go grocery shopping. Now I have to start being better about how I eat once I get the groceries home.

It's always my greatest moment of weakness - the moment I unload all of that brand spanking new food. All those delicious groceries, just hanging out in my refrigerator, daring me to at least sample each of them. I can't, for example, try the salted almonds without also trying a Weight Watchers ice cream bar. It wouldn't be fair to the ice cream.

So yeah - have to start changing my habits in that department.

I drew out a 'Plan of Action' yesterday - a detailed, bulleted list of everything I want to accomplish and the means to accomplish it. This includes writing deadlines, writing submission deadlines, networking opportunities, a timeline to get my stand-up routine on its feet, audition listings, etc. Time to start following through.

Jamey and I just spent a couple of hours working on our sitcom pilot. Step aside, According to Jim.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 24 weight: 216.2 lbs
Total loss: 6.2 lbs

The Scintillating Game of Soccer

Hey - not so bad!

I only put on a pound and a half during the cruise, and I have already taken it off and achieved a new low point! (high point?)

Yesterday, all I had until about 9:00 pm was a few hard-boiled eggs and a power bar, and I fit in a game of tennis with Jamey, which I won. I then met up with my brother, who had scored a couple free tickets to the MLS Western Conference Championship game between the L.A. Galaxy and the Houston Dynamo.

Most. Ridiculous. Game. Ever.

I had never watched a full game of soccer before, let alone seen it live. If they were all just trying to stay in shape, then bravo - I'm sure they sweated off a pound or two each. But as a sport, it just plain sucks, and I challenge anyone to change my mind on the subject. The final score was 0-0 at the end of regulation. And that's pretty typical. So for 90 minutes of play, nothing happened. THRILLING. The field was pretty though.

I did get the snackies during the game and later when hanging out at my brother's place, but the scale tells me that it wasn't all that terrible.

Have had a couple more eggs, some soup, and some almonds so far today. We're back in business, baby!

P.S. I didn't really beat Jamey at tennis. This was just my way of making sure that he's reading my blog.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 22 weight: 217.1 lbs
Total loss: 5.3 lbs

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 23 weight: 215.3 lbs
Total loss: 7.1 lbs

Going Overboard

Cruises are evil.

Don't get me wrong - it's the best kind of evil. The kind of evil you want to jump right back into, spend more time with, get to know a little better. But when you're trying to not gain 150 pounds - they're downright dastardly.

It was one of the best trips I've ever taken, and I'm bummed as all get-out to be back home, but my oh my. Before you even get on the ship, US Customs offers you a plate of freshly baked brownies with vanilla ice cream. You can hardly turn them down, not after they give you that look.

Then, immediately after stepping aboard, you are roughly grabbed up by four burly stewards who hold you down while a fifth forces breakfast sausages and slices of New York strip steak down your gullet, massaging your neck to make sure you swallow.

Once you finally make it to your stateroom, you find plates upon glasses upon trays of various carb-traps and calorie-cocktails with notes affixed that say such things as "Eat this or face the consequences" and "Imbibe this or perish." You notice that an array of security cameras frequently pans across the sumptuous buffet to verify that you are indeed following their instructions.

And so forth.

All right, so I could have done worse. I did make a number of health-conscious choices here and there, although they were far outweighed by my large number of health-unconscious choices. I ate some salads, steered mainly clear of some common pitfalls such as burgers, pasta, and sausages (had only 3/4 of a hot dog over the course of the 5 days, and they practically grew on the walls like ivy), and did exhibit some degree of portion control (only once went up for seconds at the buffet, and often left food on my plate).

We did a little bit of walking, especially in Ensenada and Cabo, but surely not enough to work off our food babies. Now that I'm (mostly) over my cold, I'm going to start stairclimbing and treadmilling the pounds right off.

I got home a couple of hours ago, and I'll be honest - I haven't weighed myself. I'm afraid to. I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning and get the bad news, but I'm concerned that I've put on everything I'd lost.

I'm just trying to focus on the fact that weight that is put on more quickly than usual can generally be taken off more quickly than usual, and gosh dang it I am going to make that happen. It's back to making smart choices and treating my body right.

But it sure was fun while it lasted.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 21 weight: Somewhere between 200 and 300 lbs
Total loss: -27.6 lbs, +/- 50 lbs

I'm Going to Be in Deep Ship

Erin and I are driving down to San Diego tonight, and then we're leaving on our cruise tomorrow! Boy, is that going to be good for my diet!

My goal over the next 5 days is not to lose but to maintain. Even if I gain a pound or two, I'm not going to beat myself up over it - I would consider it a victory. This is going to be like an alcoholic trying to get clean in a brewery.

Anyway, not sure if I'll have the ability to post over the next 5 days, but if I can, I will! Wish me luck!

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 15 weight: 215.7 lbs
Total loss: 6.7 lbs

I'm Writing This Blog Post on Codeine

Please forgive me if this one's a little unfocused or nonsensical. Like - more than usual. I went to the doctor today and he prescribed me a cough syrup with Codeine. My head keeps wanting to hit the monitor. Keep it together, head. You'll be in bed soon enough.

I wonder how many points this cough syrup is. It's syrup, after all. That can't be good.

Well... turns out that was one heavy half-donut. I gained over a pound. But I'm trying to keep in mind that a person's weight naturally bounces around quite a bit, and I'm not going to record a loss every single day, no matter how hard I try, unless I start sawing off limbs. All I can do is be twice as good the next day. And it's not like I really blame the entire pound on that donut. I also had a cookie.

I know. I should be slapped.

It doesn't help that I've been sick and working out has not been a consideration for the past week. Once I start feeling better, I'm hitting the gym. HARD. I'm determined to become a beefcake, rather than someone who looks like they've been eating one.

In other news, I registered for a Writer's Market VIP package, which includes access to 8,000 markets, a subscription to Writer's Digest, etc. I'm ready to do this thing. Gonna be a famous writer, y'all.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 14 weight: 216.9 lbs
Total loss: 5.5 lbs

The Call of the Donut

I just ate half of a donut.

I couldn't help it. I'm trying to assuage my distress over the situation by reminding myself that at least I didn't eat the whole donut. Or worse - multiple donuts. And at least it wasn't jelly-filled.

Regardless, I am now beating myself up. Can't do stuff like that. Or if I do, only once every so often. As pennance, I will have a salad for lunch, eat soup for dinner, and flagellate myself without mercy for 15 minutes with a cat o' nine tails.

HOWEVER. Other than that, I've kept on task the last couple days and have dropped another near-pound. Yay me.

This blog is really short today. I'm sorry. I just don't have that much to say.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 13 weight: 215.6 lbs
Total loss: 6.8 lbs

My Eyeball Wants Out

Not sure why, but my right eyeball has felt bruised and sore for the past 24 hours. Did someone punch me in the face? If so, please come forward. No questions asked.

I racked up another 500 or so frequent matzoh miles yesterday with yet another trip to Solley's, this time to pick up soup for both myself and my girlfriend, who is now also sick. We'd better get well by Saturday. Cruise yo.

Just had a salad for lunch - went easy on the dressing. But then ate a bunch of almonds. Not a bunch - a herd. Heard of what? Herd of almonds. Of course I've heard of almonds, everyone's heard of almonds. No, I mean an almond herd. I don't care if an almond heard, I didn't say anything to be ashamed of.

Haven't weighed myself today, but I've been pretty good, so I'm not dreading the number on the scale too much at the moment. Right now, I'm finding the number on the clock more upsetting...

I keep forgetting to do my neck exercises in the morning and at night, but I've started doing them at stoplights. Probably freaking the hell out of the people stopped next to and behind me, but ah well. My neck comes first, the perception of strangers comes second.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 12 weight: unknown
Total loss: wish I could tell you

Changing My Relationship With Food

Me: Hey, food... um... can we talk?
Food: You sound weird - should I be worried?
Me: No, no... I mean, we just need to talk, that's all.
Food: O... kay...
Me: So, as you know, I've been trying to make some changes in my life. Get a fresh start, get back in touch with the old me...
Food: The old you was fat, too.
Me: Touche. No, but seriously, I think... I think I need some space.
Food: What?
Me: Don't... look, don't... freak out, okay? I still want to see you. I just think it would do us both some good if we took a little more time apart.
Food: But I don't want time apart. I like being in your belly.
Me: That's... ew. Don't talk like that.
Food: It's true. I can't help how I feel.
Me: You're... food.
Food: THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS!
Me: Actually, it does.
Food: I can't talk to you when you're like this.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 11 weight: 216.8 lbs
Total loss: 5.6 lbs

My Vitamins Are Confused

So I bought a bottle of "One A Day" vitamins. Only here's the kicker - the serving size is two. Figure that one out, Stephen Hawking.

Well, I wasn't fabulous on Halloween, but I suppose I could have been worse. I had a few beverages, had a bit of crab dip and chicken rice soup at the Castle. The real trouble started when my friends Mary, Ryan and Ashlee and I left a party to swing by Ralphs for some snacks. We got spinach dip (vegetable), potato skins (vegetable), and mozzarella sticks (shaped like some vegetables). We noshed on those while watching a scary movie (It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown).

Side note: who did the kid doing the voice of Charlie Brown have to sleep with to get that job? He was truly awful - seriously. He should be shot. (I am only able to say that in good conscience because I do not know him personally. If I actually met the guy, he might have a really sweet personality, and I would feel differently.)

Still feeling a bit under the weather, and I unfortunately used that as an excuse to completely blow the day away. While watching football this morning, I entered a 1,482 player play money 5 card draw poker tournament online. I finished 2nd. Bummer. I had a nice chip lead heads up, too. Sure would have been nice to have my complete waste of time be somewhat legitimized.

I said 'somewhat.'

I just got done doing 10 minutes of neck exercises. That's all well and good, but now I need to make sure that I keep doing them. Right after I wake up in the morning, right after work, and right before bed. Don't forget, me!

I have prepared a submission to a literary agent and will mail it out tomorrow. Even if I can send out only one a week, at least that will be progress...

Speaking of progress, went in the wrong direction weight-wise yesterday, but that's okay. It was a holiday, after all. A holiday rife with temptation. I'll take it back off in a jiffy.

Went grocery shopping today - got eggs, carrots, almonds, a couple of salads, etc. Good boy.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 10 weight: 217.6 lbs
Total loss: 4.8 lbs