Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Curse of Carb Island

Well, it's here. The best/worst day of the year. Other addicts don't have to deal with this sort of thing. There's no National Heroin Day. No Aerosol Sniffing Day. No Drink 'Til You Drop Day. Oh, hang on. That's Christmas.

Point being that there is about to be an absolute parade of calories marching through our front door in a number of hours. We're having 25 people over this year. Last year we had 18, and this was one of the tables of food:

Appropriately named "Carb Island"

I'm going to try to control myself. I'm doing everything I can - blinders, throat guard, shock collar, the whole shebang. Even still, I am going to eat. But no seconds. Except maybe on the mac n' cheese. And I'm cutting myself off after one pie. 

So yeah, today will be rough. But I'm off to a good start. Down over three pounds after week one. Have been eating well for the most part, limiting intake quantity, and have gotten my butt to the gym several times, including once when it was cold and raining. I had agita the entire way there, because usually I'll only drive under those conditions when I need to take someone to urgent care. 

Things are going well in the writing department as well. I finally finished the last draft of my novel and formatted it so that it's submission-ready. Getting it into the hands of an editor next week, into the hands of an agent the week after that, into the hands of a publisher the week after that, and into the many hands of my adoring fans the week after that. Don't forget to pre-order your copy on Amazon. 

One thing that's been helping me, I think, is that I've been meditating each morning. I'm not sitting on any pillows, or going full-lotus, or doing any "om"-ing. Just a few minutes at the start of each day to focus, remind myself of my short-term and long-term goals, and make a mental list of everything I want to accomplish before my head hits the pillow (for my afternoon nap). It seems to be working. But we'll see how long I can keep it up. That's an awful lot of time to spend with myself. 

Okay - Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Stuff your damn faces. Don't forget to breathe in-between bites. 

Starting weight: x lbs
Day 7 weight: x - 3.2 lbs
Total loss: 3.2 lbs

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The Changing of the Lard

Well. It's been more than five years since I've written a post to this blog. Here are some interesting facts about the world back in March 2011:

  • The Cubs hadn't won a World Series since 1908.
  • Osama bin Laden was still alive.
  • I was single. Well, I had a fiancee, but whatevs. 
  • Occupy Wall Street wasn't a thing yet.
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were still together. 
  • Every awesome, amazing person on Earth wasn't dead (thanks, 2016).
  • I didn't weigh roughly the same as an Amazonian manatee.

Sigh. Yeah, I took the fat-and-happy thing and ran with it (the only running I've done since 2011). Which is why I feel the need to start up this blog again. The first time around I lost over 20 pounds. Not nearly as much as I wanted to lose back then, and certainly not as much as I need to lose this time around, but I figure the accountability/constant self-shaming helped, so I'm gonna give it another shot. 

I am currently the heaviest I've ever been. It sucks. I deserve better, my wife deserves better, our future children deserve better, and our cats deserve better. (I've been a terrible role model for Toby especially, who has been responsible for at least seven minor quakes in the Los Angeles area). And honestly, Amazonian manatees deserve better. They shouldn't have to shoulder the comparison. 

As when I began this blog, I am working on discarding not only my literal lard, but the figurative lard from my life. While I enjoy playing poker, the home games I've hosted since 2008 have taken their toll. Each week, my schedule is thrown off, I don't get enough sleep, which makes it hard to keep up on work, which makes it hard to carve out time for the gym. Not to mention all the nasty treatses that litter the black card table in the garage every Tuesday, tempting me with their evil deliciousness. But the home games are over as of this week, and I'm vowing to get more regular sleep, stick to a firmer schedule, get to the gym 4-5 days a week, and stop sucking up food into my face like I'm a human Bissell attachment. 

I am cutting out distractions. I've deleted all games from my phone, I'm not starting any new shows, and I'm going to start spending 20-30% less time shooting the shit with my co-workers (the cats again). I'm about two days away from completing the final draft on my novel, at which point I can get that sucker sold. And I have a couple projects up my sleeves which, while time-consuming, I feel will be important both in terms of productivity and self-gratification (the non-masturbation kind). So good things are on the horizon. 

There are so many things in my life that have fallen into place, or are getting there. What frustrates me is that I'm close to having a nearly perfect life - or as close to one as a person might reasonably hope - but most of the trouble areas that are keeping me from getting there are totally within my control. I just need to buckle down, focus, and continually remind myself of all the good that's well within reach. The problem is that all of that good stuff is on the same shelf as the Cheetos. 

Okay, so here we go. I want to lose 50 pounds. I would LOVE to lose 60, but let's just see how I look and feel after I've lost 50. I don't feel like posting my actual weight, so we'll call it "x". 

Here we go. 

Starting weight: x lbs
Day 0 weight: x lbs
Total loss: 0 lbs