I'm Baa-aack...

FACT. It has been nearly 4 months since my last post.

FACT. For the first time since then, I have finally reached a new low weight on the path to no longer being a fatass.

FACT. I am eating better than I ever have and am exercising almost every day, and plan on keeping up this blog more consistently going forward.

FACT. I am out of vital facts, but am worried that the first paragraph that does not start out this way will be reduced in impact.

Ah, well. Just a risk I'm going to have to take, I guess.

Anyway... how ya been? Miss me? When last we spoke, I was depressed and frustrated and couldn't lose a pound to save my life. SERIOUSLY. You could have threatened me at knifepoint, and I still would have snacked on some cookies.

I swore that I would henceforth only write a post for this blog each time I reached a new low weight. Therefore, I would not be constantly reminded when writing this that I was failing to accomplish my goals, and instead would only be encouraged and spurred on by each actual, tangible success that would be achieved.

It sure took a helluva long time, but I am finally there. I popped my weight back up to about 217 pounds before finally getting on the right track, and I am now down almost 15 pounds overall! Not so good when you consider that it has taken me nearly a year to get there, but I am confident that I am finally on the road to thinness, and am determined that I will be able to fit inside narrow crawl spaces within a year.

So let me catch you up on some shit.

My new diet - and when I say that, I don't mean a crash diet, I mean my new, hopefully long-term way of eating and viewing food - consists of eating FAR less bread, dairy and red meat. I am not cutting anything out completely (because I know me), allowing myself the occasional cheat item, but I am now sticking mainly to fresh-cooked chicken, turkey and fish, fruits and veggies, nuts and beans. Tea has replaced coffee, frozen fruit bars have replaced ice cream (for the most part). In addition to shedding the pounds, I am also feeling healthier and more energetic, and my neck and shoulders even feel better, now that I am eating fewer inflammatory food products.

Speaking of which, I have also started doing acupuncture! I believe I touched on the subject in a couple of my prior posts, and probably demonstrated a serious degree of trepidation. I'm not a fan of needles, not even when they're just laying there on the table, being needles, let alone when they're driven into my body by some sadist who leaves me there for dead. Turns out that's not what it's like. My acupuncurist is actually quite nice and has murdered very few of her patients, and the needles don't really hurt all that much. In fact, now that I think about it, I've never actually SEEN her insert these needles into my back. For all I know, she's just tapping my neck with her fingernails and running out into the hallway to laugh about it with her other voodoo medicine cronies. SHIT. I have to ask for my money back.

I have also been getting some form of exercise nearly every day for the past few weeks. Most days it's 30 minutes to an hour on the Wii Fit, but I am also playing tennis 1-2 times a week and going for occasional power-walks. I thought about giving P90X a try, but then remembered that I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

So that's pretty much it on the losing weight front. Things have been going very well on the career front - at least as well as they can be going without still having a regular source of income.

Surprisingly (to me, anyway) the thing that has really taken off is my stand-up. I always wanted to try it but was scared shitless for about the first seven years I lived here; now that I have finally given it a go, I'm glad I did. I beat out about 70 other aspiring comics in the Ha Ha Cafe's Fresh Faces contest, and have since gotten additional gigs there, as well as one at Beso, Eva Longoria's restaurant (this one has been postponed, but should still happen). In the next few weeks, I am going to be trying my luck at both the Pasadena Ice House and the Laugh Factory. I have probably about 45 minutes of material now, over 20 minutes of which is arguably funny.

After completing my last novel, I also wrote a screenplay (which, incredibly, I wrote in a week and a half). I have been revising both, and sending daily submissions. No bites yet on either, but some promising feedback. I am currently also working on a few short stories to be submitted to short story contests and literary magazines.

Things have been rough on the acting side of things. Have been submitting almost daily through Actor's Access, and still not a single audition. Aside from doing a single day of riveting, challenging background work on CSI: New York, I haven't had much of a chance to stretch my acting muscles in quite a while. All I can do is keep at it.

There are other things still in the works, like the development of my personal website and my steadily growing aluminum foil ball (I shall defeat you, Pee Wee!), but just trying to do whatever I can to maintain some sense of balance. I'm making progress though, and I can't complain.

Well I CAN, but I won't.

Actually, I probably will. Stay tuned.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 336 weight: 207.9 lbs
Total loss: 14.5 lbs