A Third Conversation With Food

Me: You got a second?
Food: Oh, Jesus. Are we really going to do this again?
Me: Look - I know you're probably upset. For the past month or two, our relationship has been a little... tame.
Food: Tame? Is that what it is?
Me: Please don't do that thing where you turn everything into a question. I want you to take this seriously.
Food: Oh. Sorry this conversation isn't going exactly according to your plan. Food-hater.
Me: I don't... I don't hate you. I still love you. I still really love you. Sometimes, when I think about some of the things I want to do to you...
Food: Spare me.
Me: The fact is that I like where things are right now. It feels good. Right. Wholesome.
Food: Oh, please. You had a salad for dinner last night. A salad. Are you going to pretend you're not in serious denial?
Me: It was a good salad.
Food: "It was a good salad."
Me: Don't mock me. That's childish and uncalled for.
Food: Well, I don't know what you want from me. I've always made myself very available to you. Now it seems that's no good.
Me: We can still... fool around once in a while. But isn't it okay if, for the most... we can just be friends?
(Silence)
Food: You did not just give me that line.
Me: I don't think you're being--
Food: Eat me.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 344 weight: 206.2 lbs
Total loss: 16.2 lbs