Tuesday, March 8, 2011

500 Days of Blubber

Wow. Day 500. I've lost 21 pounds all told, but I still don't look as if I've been eating too many vegetables. Perhaps because I haven't.

This lard-discarding is a tough business. I've had ups and downs. The holidays have come and gone. But I'm at a bit of a standstill. And as we all know, standing still doesn't burn too many calories.

I've been hovering right around 200 pounds for a few months now. Granted, hovering is better than gaining, but I've still got about 30 pounds to lose, and the time is NOW.

I haven't blogged in a while, and for that I apologize. I was hoping to hold off until I reached a new low weight, per the parameters that I set for myself, but although I've come close a few times, I seem to be having trouble cracking that mark. I'm honestly not worried, though. I NEED to drop 30 more pounds before my wedding, and I'm going to see that it happens.

Oh yeah - I'm getting married. If you're reading this blog, you almost certainly already know me, and therefore already know this. But if you're some random happening upon this post after doing a Google search while writing your school paper on whale fat, then... well, then you probably don't care. But FYI, whale blubber is different from other forms of adipose tissue, which allows it to serve as a thermal insulater, which makes blubber essential for thermoregulation. Credit: whales.org. Now get outta here, kid - you're bothering me.

So I'm getting married. To Erin. If you haven't met her, you should. She's the bee's knees. In fact, she's better than that - she's the bee's kneecaps. But she'll leave me at the altar if I don't lose this weight. That's a lie - she wouldn't do that. Also a lie about there being an altar.

But I need to do it for ME. There is going to be some asshole taking pictures at this thing, and I might want to look back at these pictures years from now and be able to see Erin in some of them. I also don't want to feel as guilty when I eat OUR ENTIRE WEDDING CAKE.

So I'm GOING to do this. I won't take 'no' for an answer. Do or do not - there is no 'try.' I will climb every mountain. And other inspirational catchphrases.

But I have to stop making excuses. Easter is coming, but someone else is going to have to bite the heads off all the chocolate bunnies. There are birthdays coming up, but I will be bringing a snack lunch (or snack dinner, depending on the time of the party). Point being - I have been eating for 32 years... it's time to take a break. Before they turn me into the next new exhibit at Sea World.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 500 weight: 201.1 lbs
Total loss: 21.3 lbs


  1. Just a warning... I didn't get any of my own wedding cake at the reception, so be on the lookout for overly zealous table clearers. Because nobody wants to lose a bunch of weight and then not get any damn cake. That's bunk. Also, for the record, I think you look adorable.

  2. Hey, it's been five months! Progress report?