I'm Somebody's Hero

Yes, it has been two weeks since my last post.

Yes, I have been God-awful about eating well and working out. And writing in my blog.

Yes, I need to get my nose back to that grindstone and turn things around in a big way.

But you know what? It's okay. Because I'm somebody's hero. Sometimes it takes just a little thing to put your life into perspective.

Two weeks ago, I had some family come into town. I showed them around, i.e. ate EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING. Then my brother and I road-tripped across the country. My blood was temporarily 83% jerky. And for the past week I've been staying with family. Despite the occasional somewhat healthy meal, it's been a pretty steady stream of pizza, breads, snacks and sweets.

It's all my fault, of course. I urged my mother to keep things healthy while I was here, but she has other people to accommodate, and in the end it simply comes down to my own will power, which has turned out to be quite powerless. Things will be easier once I am back home and am more in charge of what's in my kitchen, and I have newly resolved to take a serious crack at the gym.

But in the meantime, other things seem more important.

My ten-year-old brother, who is a frightening combination of all of the better aspects of me and my siblings, read to me something he wrote for school. He had received an assignment to talk about his hero. Wouldn't you know it - it was me!

I know it may be a tad cliche for a young boy to look up to his older brother as his hero, but still - that he looks at me in that way might be one of my proudest accomplishments. Since I've been home I've been reading my book to him (for those of you who don't know, it was inspired by and written for and about him) and the excited look in his eye, the rapt attention, the frequent remarks such as "cool" or "awesome" - I can't explain how much it warms the cockles of my heart. My cockles have never been this warm.

So as much as I'm going to get back into the swing of things, eating more protein and getting that ol' heart rate up, it's important also to remind myself once in a while that I'm not a total mess. As long as I'm somebody's hero, I must be doing something right.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 158 weight: 172 lbs. Sure, why not.
Total loss: Oh, I'll bet you've fudged the truth yourself from time to time.

There's a Monster in My Bathroom

Be very quiet. Don't make any sudden movements. There's a monster in there in the shape of a scale. I'm not going to go in there. You can't make me. God knows what it would do to me if I did.

Okay, so yeah, I'm a little leery of the scale right now. I haven't eaten great in the past week, and now I have guests in town, and then I'm going to be on a road trip, and then I'm going to be back home. None of this bodes well.

Not that I'm throwing all caution to the wind. I'm still trying to make smart choices here and there when I'm able, and I'm certainly not letting myself go or anything. But my brother and I are destined to eat some fast food on our way back to the midwest. And I am destined to eat some deep dish pizza when I get there. That's just the way of the world.

So I might not post any actual numbers until after I get back from my trip. And maybe not even then. Come to think of it, numbers are overrated. They get too much press. Shouldn't it be less about the actual numbers, and more about how healthy I feel inside?

Oh wait - that doesn't work either. I feel like a cow.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 144 weight: Shhhhhh
Total loss: You're going to wake it up

Todd Kreisman and the Temptations

No, I haven't joined a doo-wop R&B fusion vocal group. I'm just annoyed by all of the temptations out there.

I feel like I would be doing so much better at this weight loss thing if the rest of the world was on the same page with me. But I go to an industry panel discussion, and there is free pizza. FREE! PIZZA! What part of that can a person not like? And I go to a party, and there are chips and beer and cheese and crackers. And I go to an Oscar party and there are all kinds of meats packed into all kinds of bready casings. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO FAIL, WORLD???

Sometimes I'm better at resisting the urges than at others. When I'm stressed, forget about it. I realize that I eventually have to figure out how to follow the rules even when I've lost a game or have been stuck in traffic. But it doesn't help that there's always a Taco Bell nearby to ease my pain.

I'm still sticking to many of the things that have been helping me experience some degree of success, but I do need to cut out some of the excess. My problem is that I forget too often. I will quite literally put something in my mouth, swallow and digest it and then think, "Oh yeah - I'm trying to lose weight." Old habits die hard. Especially when those habits are delicious.

I hit 300 pages in my novel yesterday - should finish it up in the next week. If I can manage to sell that, I'll be able to afford a personal trainer who can force me to go the gym and slap the back of my hand every time it reaches for a thin mint.

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 136 weight: 210.3 lbs
Total loss: 12.1 lbs

My New Pants

... are a size 34. As opposed to 36. 34 is still enormous, and you could probably fit 2-3 normal-sized people inside them, but at least it's a start.

I'm getting a little tired of eggs. I'm trying to get some protein in my body every morning, but I think I may need to start finding new ways to make that happen. I love eggs, but... SERIOUSLY. Enough with the eggs already.

I'm on pace to finish my novel in the next three weeks. Which is good, because I'm going to be driving cross-country with my brother at the end of this month, and it will be nice to have it finished before I leave. It's good, I think. I'm excited to hear what people think of it. I have some confidence that it will sell. And I never have that.

I started going to a writer's workshop, have now done my stand-up a couple of times, am getting headshot reproductions tomorrow... so yeah, I'm getting stuff done, little by little. May it all lead to some sort of income. I may not have to rob a liquor store after all.

ALSO, not that you care, but I had the first of eight games of my World Series of Poker satellite series last week and finished second, racking up 140 points! I'm in good shape so far - wish me continued luck for tonight...

Starting weight: 222.4 lbs
Day 130 weight: 209.2 lbs
Total loss: 13.2 lbs